My arm and my husband's arm. He did the writing / drawing.
For TWLOHA Day and Project Love My mother calls me painfully shy.
In fourth grade, I had no friends because I couldn't work up the courage to talk to other kids.
In high school, I was so shy I couldn't attend half my classes freshman year.
In college I paid more than a thousand dollar for classes. I attended the first day and went home feeling sick and trembling. For the rest of the semester I stayed in bed every day the classes were scheduled. I never went back.
Online classes were hit or miss. The last class I took, I completed the 'introduce yourself' assignment posted to a message board. I never logged back in.
I couldn't communicate with people, not even online. I couldn't function no matter how hard I tried. My mind blanked. My heart felt like it was going to explode. My face turned so red people laughed. My ears burned. I felt sick and couldn't focus for days at a time. If I stuck around long enough, I was sure to cry, even if nothing bad happened.
I couldn't go to school. I couldn't make friends. I couldn't work. I felt like I couldn't do anything.
My family thinks I'm snubbing them when I don't answer the phone.
My husband had no idea I wanted to pursue writing until we were married more than a year.
My sister thinks it's funny that my face turns beet red when someone talks to me.
I was reluctant share any personal aspirations. I was careful not to share my opinions. I felt guilty about wasted money and wasted opportunities because I couldn't communicate with people. I felt humiliated when I couldn't function with another person in the same room.
I didn't know what was wrong with me.
I wish I could say someone helped me out and gave me all the answers. It was google that shed light on social anxiety for me. Once I understood the problem, it was no longer undefinable or insurmountable.
I toy with the idea of seeking 'professional help' but the thought gives me anxiety still.
Now that I know what's wrong with me, and that I'm not alone, it is easier. I was able to discuss my anxiety with my husband (who didn't laugh). After taking about a million baby steps over the last few years, I've made serious progress. Today, I can participate on DeviantArt and share about my anxiety.
I can tell my husband when I'm having a bad anxiety day and not try to hide it. I can discuss my writing with my husband, which I hadn't even dreamed of five years ago.
I struggle with social anxiety, but now I feel like I have a future. All it took was a little awareness and a lot of baby steps.
Maybe it's not a great triumph story, but it's a vast improvement from where I've been. That means something to me.
Hm, I'm the same way. It got particularly bad in grade 12 for me, where I eventually stopped going to school and dropped out. It was over a year before I met a girl who was still in high school, and she convinced me to go back. But it was only towards the end of the first semester when it happened again, and I just couldn't go, and that's where I am now. I haven't been to school since the week before Christmas break. I feel like I'll never graduate high school and it will hinder me forever, just because of this anxiety. But there is a new anxiety group starting here soon that lasts a few weeks, and I'm going to try to go to all the meetings, and maybe I can start to make some progress. I'm so glad it's gotten better for you, and I hope you keep improving still!
It breaks my heart to hear your story. I know what's that's like and I know what you're going through. It's incredibly hard.
It can get better, and that is an incredibly hard journey too. I can tell you that the end results are worth it, and you can do it. All the hours worrying and sweating will be worth it. Please do go to the meetings. Talk about the issue. Share. Try to be social and live your life even though it's terrifying. The more you do it, the easier it will eventually become. (I know it may not seem like that, but it will. I promise.)
What helped me was to make a plan with little goals I wanted to meet. I started creating projects (by myself at first) that would force me into controlled social situations. The Chat Tour that I run started as part of my plan. It really helped me even though the first five or six stops I felt like I was going to vomit the whole time.
My rambling point is you can do it. It does get better with hard work.
I wish you all the best and if you ever need someone to talk to, please note me. I'm friendly and I know what it's like. I won't judge and I'm always willing to nudge people.
I used to have major social anxiety like you've described before I met my boyfriend. He helped me make some major progress to help dispel it, and now you'd never know >.> Great that you're working to try and overcome social anxiety. It sucks, I know, but best of luck!!
I'm probably the exact opposite. I never think about what I say, and I'm brutally honest, all the time. Its gotten me into a lot of trouble over the years -.- I'm glad that you were able to make progress! Best wishes, .....Kat
That's my husband too. He's loud and has no filter, but that works for me because I can hide behind him and not be noticed. He's okay with whatever trouble it gets him in though. I hope yours isn't too terrible for you.
away time is back
:D! This time I've
got 1500pts to give
away c:The last
giveaway was really
well received so I'm
doing another! After
the way the last one
panned out, one
thing I would like
to remind you guys
of is to PLEASE
PLEASE follow the
guidelines so you
can be properly...
Ok! So there is the
photo report after
devMEET! I decided
that I won't be
writing much but
just let the
what was going on.
photography so much
and catching natural
shots of people.
Most of photos were
caught by me and few
Even though summer
is imminent, you
often find yourself
on your couch,
watching Honey Boo
Boo, thinking; "I'm
rather chilly o_o.
OMG I'M CHILLY." .
would rather blast
the air conditioning
and bundle up then
turn it down and
rely on the earth to
`anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More